Archive for January, 2006

Dysfuncionally Happy??? Me?? You shouldn’t have!

Your Social Dysfunction:

You’re a happy person – you have a good amount of self-esteem, and are socially healthy. While this isn’t a social dysfunction per se, you’re definitely not normal. Consider yourself lucky: you walk that fine line between ‘normal’ and being outright narcissistic. You’re rare – which is something else to be happy about.

Take this quiz at

Please note that we aren’t, nor do we claim to be, psychologists. This quiz is for fun and entertainment only. Try not to freak out about your results.

Let it be a testament to my disturbed state of mind today that I am even posting these silly quiz results here… I am NORMAL of all things to be I did not expect to be called NORMAL today. This is a noteworthy occasion, so much so that I am sharing this with my imaginary (NORMAL) friends.


Bochinche Bilingüe

Bochinche Bilingüe
de Tato Laviera

los únicos que tienen
problemas con vernáculo
lingüístico diario de nuestra gente
cuando habla de
las experiencias de su cultura popular
son los que estudian solamente
a través de los libros
porque no tienen tiempo para
hablar a nadie, ya que se pasan
analizando y categorizando
la lengue exclusivamente
sin practicar el lenguage.

el resto de estos
boring people
son extremistas aburridos
educadores perfumados
consumidores intellectuales
de la lengua clásica castellana
al nivel del siglo diesiocho
racistas monolingües en inglés
monolingües comemierddas en español
filósofos nihilistas
y revolucionarios mal entendidos
todos los cuales comparten
una gran pendejá

¡P’al carajo los boring people! ¡P’al carajo monolingües comemierdas y acomplejaos!
That’s what I’m talking about.

I’ve been teaching Laviera and Pietri in my Intermediate English classes, with a little Mariposa and Anthony Morales to keep it real and current.

I am often in the position of having to defend my use of Spanglish in the Puerto Rican English classroom and I think it comes down to a few key pedagogical and philosophical points.

My goal is not to teach the language of the Unitedstatesians in order for us to effectively assimilate and cross our fingers we’ll be the estado 51. I am interested in language as a living, pulsating, breathing, fucking, dreaming, longing, sobbing, evolving, thing. I am interested in language as a tool for communication and I am interested in language as a way of accessing writers, thinkers and speakers. Spanglish is real. Newyorican poets have been/are/will be (will be will be) real. So, while the canon has merits, I practice my liberatory canon and hope to transmit some of my passion to my community of learners.

That’s my bochinche bilingüe.

Make the Pie Higher!


I think we all agree, the past is over.
This is still a dangerous world.
It’s a world of madmen and uncertainty
And potential mental losses.

Rarely is the question asked
Is our children learning?
Will the highways of the Internet
Become more few?

How many hands have I shaked?
They misunderestimate me.
I am a pitbull on the pantleg of opportunity.

I know that the human being
And the fish can coexist.
Families is where our nation finds hope,
Where our wings take dream.

Put food on your family!
Knock down the tollbooth!
Vulcanize society!
Make the pie higher!

Make the pie higher!

This is a poem made up entirely of actual quotations from George W. Bush, arranged for “aesthetic” purposes, by Washington Post writer Richard Thompson. A wonderful poem like this is too good not to share. … Ah, yes! A testament to literacy in the age of Every Child Left Behind!

In case you were wondering what my sources of inspiration are at present.

This is my cure for writer’s block or low self esteem or any kind of self doubt. Try it. Read this, slowly, savor it. Relish the fact that this is the prez of the USA. Mind you, we PuertoRicans don’t vote on the island(really this isn’t a colony) so we can really watch from a distance and wonder. Wonder at a dumbass like that for a prez and wonder at the dumbasses who voted for this man. They sure did make that pie higher!

Anyway, back to the motivational aspects of this poem, it helps to see that even when you are tired, burnt out, brain dead, you simply can’t be this stupid.

See, don’t you feel better about yourself now? Now go coexist with some fish why don’t you?!